Why does mentioning self-compassion cause a massive spike of anxiety?

hi my name is Armaan and When the guide tells me that I should be nice to myself, I experience a kind of strong influence inside myself, as though I were driving the feeling away. My depression and my self-hate are nourished by this block. I cannot accept kindness. Is this emotive avoidance the expression of a harsh life theme in which I consciously deny myself the belief in my right to kindness and love? Born on 29th July 2002, 5:30 PM.