Why weight ingrained armor memory protect vulnerability?

I have done every diet and I am still not losing weight, it seems like it has become a part of me. When I do body-scan meditations I do not experience relaxation; instead I experience a heavy, dense energy around my stomach and hips, as though a shield. It is not fat, it is just built-in memory, some sort of physical barricade that my mind created to protect me in a hurtful period of my life many years ago. The thought of losing this weight horrifies me in a way I can not clearly explain. suppose this armour is the only thing that is holding me together? My meditation journey is showing that I am not fighting calories, but an ingrained protective self-defense mechanism that sees thinness as a symbol of vulnerability and threat. Name: Priya Iyer DOB: 19th November 1993 Time: 3:20 AM Location: Chennai